Finally let my feelings out

a history project… turned into a boat ride around Avila Beach, California.

camera whorinnng.

i have to say that last night was crazzy! stood in line waiting for a hour and it was totally worth seeing, swayzee the cataracs and outasight and last but not least starting6! it was definitely a wild night, i can not even remember most of it but i do know that i literally danced my ass for 5 hours straight, booty shaking, ass to the floor, face down ass up. yeah, it was nice to let everything out. but it wasn’t nice to have random strangers come up from behind me, although i didn’t mind about some. yanknowhatimean.

my advice to you, if you ever go to a concert, please. ALWAYS lie about your age.

this guy asked me if i went to Cal Poly, and i said… no. but that i went to Allan Hancock a community college.

and then i told this girl i was 17 and she walked away…

so yeah, it’s only one night. so you can be 18 for one night, am i right?

<3

i am in need of a friend. a friendship, preferably somebody who can text me 24/7 and somebody who i can send funny faces of myself, and he or she will send one back. please please, i have been feeling pretty lonely lately. and im in need of a friend.

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here i go again, venting to you guys but this time this will be more organized because well this is about my mother. My mom does not know how to appreciate. she does not know how to appreciate me, her daughter. her 17 year old daughter who started working at the age of 16 who spends ALL of her paychecks on bills and gives her paychecks to her mother. i NEVER get to spend any of my money on the things that i want to buy. all of my paychecks, my year to date pay is 2500 plus. where did all that money go? to be honest i am not sure if my paychecks went to bills. Last night i didn’t get home from the casino until 2 o’clock in the morning. mom, i drive you anywhere and everywhere where ever you want to go and at anytime. ANYTIME. the least you could do is appreciate me. You got mad at me because i tried to get my homework packet while at a stoplight. are you fucking kidding me? you are the biggest shit talker ever. Before i did not mind living with you and now i hate all you do is shit talk on me you dont appreciate what i really do. My money for groceries. i try to look out for you, i try to protect but you never appreciate me. NEVER. i hope that one day you get back together with my dead beat dad. who doesnt pay for anything, and who hits you constantly. i really hope you go back to him because when you do i will never be there for you. even in the future when i have kids you BOTH will never get to see my children. because i bust my ass for you, trying to provide money. i am a teenager and a teenager should be able to use their money on the things they want. i feel as if i grew up way too fast not because i wanted too because i have too. appreciate me for once. for once is all i ask.

today i will vent. i am not sure what i am going to vent about but here i go.. well first is first, i have been really confused about myself. deep down inside i really want to get with a girl. like do all that fun stuff with her. i am just really feeling lonely, i want a friendship that is over the phone and computer. i want to talk on the phone, webcam, send eachother silly pictures. i need somebody to do that with.

and friends, i feel as if i don’t have any friends. well thats just me but deep down inside i know i have friends. i just feel as if nothing is going the way i want it to go. well i have a lot to vent about. i have spent my teenager years, working and paying bills, paying for my own gas and paying for both me and my mom because she does not have a job and never will. i thought being a teenager was supposed to be fun and go out and hang out with friends. not stay at home, work on the weekends and drive your mom around. life is not how i pictured it would be. i am the man in my house i am the one who pays for everything and use everything with my own paycheck i cant even buy the things that i want. . and they say once you get your license it equals freedom, not for me. it just meant that i have to drive my mom around everywhere and anywhere and at anytime she wants. to be honest, fuck education. i give up. i can’t even go get my homework from school because my mom doesn’t want me too. are you fucking joking me? this is ridiculous. i need a cigarette. i need to escape. i want to leave, i have a lot on my plate.

to be continued….